The United States of Freaking Awsome

Like any other American born after the year of 1921, I have a healthy appreciation for television. I really feel lucky that I live in an age where my range of emotions can best be conveyed in an episode of "LOST" or "How I Met Your Mother" instead of turning to literature, or real people for that matter, in order to find true meaning in my life.

Taking this into consideration, when the writer of a dynamite feature-length film script (Diablo Cody) couples with a producer that owns half of LA (none other than Steven Speilburg) and incorporates indie-queen, Toni Collette, I pretty much peed my pants with excitement. The result, "The United States of Tara" is a fun, fresh comedy- yup, that's right, comedy, about a woman with multiple personalities and airs on Showtime on Sundays at 10 p.m. Aaaaaand, just in case we thought it couldn't get any better, the theme-song was written and performed by Tim Delaughter of the band, The Polyphonic Spree.

Now, I know the question everyone is dying to ask, and the answer is yes, Showtime does take advantage of its late-night time-slot and premium channel status and inserts adult language at every chance.

And if that's not a reason to watch, I don't know what is.

This Election, We Vote for Makeovers for One and All!

Last week, GQ Magazine, headed for the streets, taking six, somewhat attractive men, and turned them into hotties. Their goal? To turn "Joe the Plummer" and "Joe Six Pack" into "GQ Joe." Were their efforts successful or did they flop faster than a Paulie Shore movie? To check-out the results and get some styling tips of your own, check out the article at MSN.

With the big presidential election only one day away, it seems like the media coverage has slowed down big-time. So far, we've heard Sarah Palin crank-called by Canadian comedian, Marc-Antoine Audette, which can be heard on YouTube and was broadcast on the CBS morning show today.

30 Rock Returns This Week (Yay!) And Cloris Leachman is voted off "Stars" (Boo)

Seasoned actress, Cloris Leachman was booted off "Dancing With the Stars," after a final dance, last night. The 85 year-old actress will no longer be creating comic relief by, spilling out her cleavage on the judges table or hiking up any more legs. So who's left? Daytime drama queen, Susan Lucci, NSYNC singer, Lance Bass, has yet to say, "Bye, bye, bye" to the DWTS cast, and E! goddess, Brooke Burke is still going strong.

On the plus side, Tina Fey's brain-child, "30 Rock," returns this week, playing alter ego, Liz Lemon. The much awaited season is guaranteed to please. When we left Liz last year, she was pinning for a baby and Alec Baldwin had been booted from his corner office. This year, Peter Dinklage and Meghan Mullally join the cast, and the first episode can be downloaded at hulu before it airs this week.

Warren Buffet is Most Generous, Tragedy for Jennifer Hudson, Amy Poehler Give Birth, Katie Holmes Makes Worst Dressed and Stephen Hawking Steps Down

As much as we love a good best and worst list here at the Burrito, we think sometimes they go too far. They almost cry, "how much content can we squeeze into one story and still make it all mesh together?" Regardless, this weekend has been full of more action packed material than Clay Aiken's backside.

Warren Buffet Named Most Generous Business Man- Rupert Murdoch, the Worst
Warren Buffet has been named, "Most Generous Business Man" of the year on the Conde Nast list of the same name. Not really a surprise, considering the famous investor has given over $150 billion to charity. Other celebs with deep pockets? Microsoft founder, Bill Gates, Google co-founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, and Ebay founder Pierre Omidyar. So who was the stingiest Grinch in the corner office? None other than Fox's, Rupert Murdoch.

Yahoo.com's Headline, "A Weekend of Death and Birth"
A Yahoo.com headline today reads, "A Weekend of Death and Birth." The headline referenced two extremely different weekend happenings. The first refers to Oscar winner, Jennifer Hudson's tragic loss of her mother, brother, and nephew, this weekend after police found two of her family members shot to death in their home, and one found by a nearby river. The second, announces SNL comedian, Amy Poehler's birth of son, Archie. Furthermore, Poehler has announced she will not return to Saturday Night Live after her maternity leave. Not really a huge shocker, considering everyone worth watching leaves the popular NBC show. While the two events were major for the entertainment world, the headline seemed eerie, odd, and out of place.

Katie Holmes Makes the Worst Dressed List
Again. Okay, so the whole "don't wear white after Labor Day" rule has been officially revoked, however, this is taking it a little too far. Does anyone else remember koolats ever making their return since 1995? Has anyone seen cinched pants like that since M.C. Hammer? Just because you wear the same crooked smile in all your poses doesn't mean people will be so distracted they won't notice your poor fashion sense.

Stephen Hawking Steps Down
Everyone's favorite Lucasian professor of mathematics will be stepping down from his post next September. Really, no. No pun intended. We can't believe you would even think that. The 66 year old writer and scholar will be forced to resign next year after his 67th birthday, per Cambridge University's rules. The famous scholar plans to continue his research at the university after he resigns from the prestigious title.

Vote for Us on Alltop!

Devoted Readers:
If you like what you see on the Burrito please vote for us on www.alltop.com by clicking the link above.

-If we forget to say it later, we had a really good time tonight.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie Catfight- Meow!

It doesn't seem Madonna and Guy Ritchie are going to back out of their marriage quietly and peacefully. The two have been viciously attacking each other via tabloid interviews, each hoping to lash out in a new, "creative" way other celeb-divorcees have failed to do. Madonna has portrayed Ritchie to be pathetic and whiny (which isn't hard considering the director accused his diva wife of "poking him" during fights). Meanwhile, back at the crybaby ranch, Ritchie has somehow picked himself back up and been able to suppress his sorrow long enough to find a hot little piece of arm candy- cute, Kelly Reilly. Ritchie also accused Madge of becoming so ensconced in her practice of the Kabbalah, she now believes she is some sort of Jesuit messiah, and quoted her as saying, "listen baby, I'm bigger than Jesus."

Well, at least they were able to maintain a sense of decency for the sake of their kids, right?

Week in Review-Beyonce Gets a New Image, Foreclosure Rates Continue to Skyrocket, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck Refuses to Leave "The View"

Luckily for us, at the Burrito, this year has been a whirlwind of news. We've seen the rise (and fall) of the first female on the Republican ballot, we've witnessed celebrities of all backgrounds race to voice first-time political views, and we have recognized a media-frenzy that has crossed the thin line between celebrity gossip and traditional journalism. This week, we are a little relieved to take a much needed break from the campaign to notice what's going on in our nation- without all the political BS.

Beyonce Goes From Farce to Fierce
Beyonce Knowles, the once, "Destiny's Child" front-woman, has declared a new name and a new image for herself. The "booty-licious" pop artist has re-invented her image by creating a distinction between her private life and the career-driven power artist that takes over between 9 am and 5 pm Monday through Friday (and till 1:00 on Saturdays for your convenience). Knowles' alter ego, Sasha Fierce will be making her debut on her next album, "I am.... Sasha Fierce." Not to be confused with Sasha Baron Cohen, creator of alter-egos, Borat and Bruno.
Foreclosure Rates Keep Hitting All Time Highs
Unfortunately, Cheech and Chong aren't the only ones who are high these days. No- we're not talking about Snoop Dog, we're talking about foreclosure rates! Lancaster, Ca. has become what looks like an old western ghost town on a movie set, but this once vibrant zip code has become anything but Hollywood swank. While bank foreclosures have reached a high of 71% all over the country, homes are left vacant, without owners, and without buyers in the foreseeable future.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck- We Just Can't Get Rid of Her
Despite rumors that Elizabeth Hasselbeck has decided to leave the daytime talk show, "The View," to return to the mother-ship (Fox News) Hasselbeck's camp has verified she will continue to irritate viewers by spouting out annoying and uneducated comments to Barbara Wawa's dream team. Apparently, shouting out the intellectual equivalent to, "I know you are, but what am I?" on ABC, seems more appealing than taking shots of whiskey with Bill O'Reilly while watching Monday night football.

Election coverage, I miss you already.